Next to me.. or Not

You won't find him drinking at the tables
rolling dice and staying out til 3
you won't ever find him being unfaithful
you will find him, you'll find him next to me

You won't find him trying to chase the devil
for money, fame, for power, out of grief
you won't ever find him where the rest go
you will find him, you'll find him next to me

When the money's spent and all my friends have vanished
and I can't seem to find no help or love for free
I know there's no need for me to panic
cause i'll find him, i'll find him next to me

When the skies are grey and all the doors are closing
and the rising pressure makes it hard to breathe
well, all I need is a hand to stop the tears from falling
I will find him, will find him next to me

When the end has come and buildings falling down fast
when we spoilt the land and dried up all the sea
when everyone has lost their heads around us
you will find him you'll find him next to me

Never in my life have i met someone like him
I'm blown away by his love for me
if you ever wonder where it is you'll find him
you will find him, you will find him next to me



...... OR NOT. jeesh.

Of Disclaimers

I hate disclaimers. I hate explaining. I have that "i dont care" attitude usually. But people are asking..

My posts are not chronological. My posts are not current. When something pops up (among other things), I write it down. If i finish, I publish. if not, i publish some other time.

jeesh. I hate explaining myself.

Open House

Been trying something new. Im now "dating" someone.. by date i mean we go to certain places, hold hands at times, eat out (or in), cuddle a bit, and have lots of sex. but we also get to have sex with other people as well. trying out this "open relationship" thing, or is there such a thing?

im not quite sure im willing to dive into a relationship again. seeing that the "perfect" one just failed. i think im still not over the loss. maybe because i almost gave up a year ago. then went back. then got put down. maybe i shouldnt have made the trip back.

or i could just go back to dating girls again. but that would be just fooling myself, and fooling her. i recently talked to someone, our kind dates girls from time to time to get that "feeling". of being able to hold someone's hand while walking, of kissing and hugging in malls, restaurants, etc.

anyway, i digress. so open.. basically, we can have sex with anyone we want, just make sure to be honest and tell each other. perfect for disaster, right? but we're not a WE yet. and im not willing to give it up just yet... again...

so yeah, we do. we tell each other. no jealousy at my end. nor his (i think). then one day, we were supposed to meet. for some reason, taping got extended so i wasnt available. then he hooked up with former one-time-on-screen-partner.

somehow something doesnt quite feel right..

1. im not used to this
2. im starting to have deeper feelings for him
3. i didnt like that i was replaced right there and then
4. it was a former one time on screen partner
5. all of the above

so even though i was having sex with someone that time too, somehow i think he one-upped me.. and he's enjoying that im "jealous". which makes me wonder, will he do it again so ill get jealous and want an exclusive thing?

so anyway. i dont know.


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Are you in?Livin' in sin is the new thing, yeahAre you in?I am countin'
1, 2, 3Not only you and meGot one eighty degreesAnd I'm caught in between
Countin' 1, 2, 3Peter, Paul, and MaryGettin' down with 3PEverybody loves countin'