Subject to Availability

The impression of being available (ie. cmon, hit on me, because im single, available, and im interested in guys too) is a factor ive only realized just recently. I was wondering how this co-actor, who (in all honesty) looks less marketable than i do, gets more guys, and even some of the guys i want for myself. and what's even more surprising is that he' s not the one making the initial move. so you can just imagine the inggit i feel, being still inside the closet and torpe at the same time. 

When were just starting artistas, CM (costar) initially confessed to me that he has a crush on me. I (being inside the closet, not attracted to him, and being his costar) just brushed it aside but wanted to still be his friend. So initially, it was awkward between us. but then things became good and we were friends again. so he starts sharing his crushes and conquests. and oh shit. he got a director, producer, teacher, production assistant, cameraman, new actor, etc. Basically, he was getting the guys he wanted. or actually, people were coming on to him.

and i just watch and wonder why he gets all that and i dont. again, in all honesty, im more marketable. but the thing i blame is.. the impression of being available. either that im too unapproachable, or that i dont give hints that i like guys enough, or both. which got me into thinking.. maybe i should loosen up a bit? or not mind how i appear? or give subtle hints that i like guys too? being in the closet and being torpe is not a good combination. 

i recently had a talk with a former one time fling turned friend. he was tall, handsome, built (like a model), and had a big one if i remember right. he looks like an alpha male, with no hint that he likes dicks too. and he shared the same problem. people are too intimidated by him that no guy/gay hits on him. it's frustrating. 

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I want you to know
You could be the one for me, yes you could
(Yes you could)
You've got all I'm lookin' for
You've got personality

I know (I know)
You know (You know)
I wanna give you more (Give you more)

The things you do
I've never felt this way before

So boy, won't you come
Won't you come and open the door?
Listen to me

(All I want is you) Come over here baby
(All I want is you) Oh, you make me go crazy

(All I want is you)