I am writing now to get some things off my mind. Or rather, so that I don't forget that these things have happened. Or crossed my mind. Or for safekeeping, if you must.
So... lawyer friend and I have been messaging everyday, and talking once or twice a week. Until now. So that makes it 6 weeks, without fail. And i should be grateful for that, right? Having some semblance of a 'lovelife' to speak of. It's what I'm trying to look for, basically. consistency, regularity, intellect, continued interest, and the feeling of always looking forward to the next message he sends. Am I 'settling' because I have nothing else? I'm not ready to answer that question at this time.
And then it was Vday. We were messaging. and syempre, nothing sweet or emo. and then he disappeared for a few hours. Again, nothing unusual. and then said 'Sorry. I was watching Call Me By Your Name". And then.. boom. That must be a date. who will watch that movie on Vday and not be on a date?
Then I start rationalizing again. Maybe to dispel thoughts that I know would make me sad. Rationalizing that hey.. he's allowed to date. we never really talked. and it's unfair actually if he 'sacrifices' with not having dates or sex while i'm away.. so i tried to reply. nonchalantly. 'Oh. How apt for a Vday movie date." then he says "date ka dyan. saw it on the TV." for some reason, that made me happy.. because i still live in that bubble where I assume there's no one else.
before the night ended, we talked. for almost an hour. and that made me happier. maybe this could work after all?
and the cynic comes out again and says you're just making yourself vulnerable again. which is absolutely true. so im back to.. wait and see where it goes. still hoping that it's towards something happy.
So... lawyer friend and I have been messaging everyday, and talking once or twice a week. Until now. So that makes it 6 weeks, without fail. And i should be grateful for that, right? Having some semblance of a 'lovelife' to speak of. It's what I'm trying to look for, basically. consistency, regularity, intellect, continued interest, and the feeling of always looking forward to the next message he sends. Am I 'settling' because I have nothing else? I'm not ready to answer that question at this time.
And then it was Vday. We were messaging. and syempre, nothing sweet or emo. and then he disappeared for a few hours. Again, nothing unusual. and then said 'Sorry. I was watching Call Me By Your Name". And then.. boom. That must be a date. who will watch that movie on Vday and not be on a date?
Then I start rationalizing again. Maybe to dispel thoughts that I know would make me sad. Rationalizing that hey.. he's allowed to date. we never really talked. and it's unfair actually if he 'sacrifices' with not having dates or sex while i'm away.. so i tried to reply. nonchalantly. 'Oh. How apt for a Vday movie date." then he says "date ka dyan. saw it on the TV." for some reason, that made me happy.. because i still live in that bubble where I assume there's no one else.
before the night ended, we talked. for almost an hour. and that made me happier. maybe this could work after all?
and the cynic comes out again and says you're just making yourself vulnerable again. which is absolutely true. so im back to.. wait and see where it goes. still hoping that it's towards something happy.
Hope it will turn out the way you wanted it.
ReplyDelete-random stranger