Of Headaches and Heartaches

I've been meaning to write, honestly. It's just that there's nothing worth writing after the whole gauntlet of what ive been through about this time last year. Well, here's to nothing.

So at this time last year, I was pretty much in a quiet place. Broken up amicably with the ex, and then trying to date people. no stress.

At this time this year, I dont know how different it is. I'm still single, thats for sure. Tried to date a few people in between. Especially once i realized that i was ready. and i wasn't hurting anymore. it wouldn't be fair to the new person im dating i wasnt.

Then comes my "lessons" from the previous breakup. Now i think ive become more vigilant(?). it hurts, with the slightest sign of doubt from the other. i know it's not healthy. but i've been fooled. fooled several times. and i'm too afraid to be fooled by someone again.

Loving might mean taking chances. Taking a chance at happiness. But it also risks my heart getting broken, yet again. and im not so sure im ready for that. im most likely going to give up with the first sign of doubt that i see.

Maybe im not ready for another one. Maybe i keep on fooling myself that im ready but im still haunted by past relationships. Maybe this isnt really for me.

Sigh.

This is giving me a headache.