Just so you know..

... im still alive

... im now a single artist

... im playing around... again... safely...

... im too busy with my career

... there's no love team to speak of. or any romantic movies coming soon

... ill write more when i have time

... time to be completely honest. maybe itll spell the difference

... i dont know if there'll be a next time

... just so you know


*** kudos to those who can identify the porn star above. been waiting for his "comeback"

Self Es-Steam Room

The sauna and steam room of this particular spa never fails to provide some action which makes my every visit to the spa, shall we say, memorable. For some reason, i get to cum at least once every time i visit that place.

So this one time i went back to the spa, feeling horny and adventurous. like what i always do, i come in, shower, and start my massage a few mins after. i prefer to do all "extracurricular" activities after the massage unlike some who play before AND after (or maybe also during, but that's another story). so i had massage which was ok. not good, just ok. and clean, no "accidental" brushing on the balls, no placing my foot and hand on their crotch, no nipple play. didnt even get a hard-on. at times, id prefer this but at that time, i wished he played with me.

so after the massage, i went into the shower, then sauna, steam room, and all the places in between. looking at the different guys draped in just towels, going from one room to the other, playing some sort of tag. i fancied no one. then this one guy was "passable". he looked kinda late 30s, got a little bit of a tummy, but toned arms and chest. so pwede na. but he wasnt making a move. and im not one to make a move also. mahirap na. might get punched. haha so even if there were times that only the two of us were left, wala. nada. zilch. sometimes, id catch him stare at me but he'll quickly look the other way when i notice. so cmon, i just want to cum.

i then transferred to the dry sauna. there were 2 guys inside, both maybe in their 40s. one was regular looking, and the other had thinning hair but had a kick ass body. so i was just standing by the door, with my back towards them. then i suddenly heard ruffling sounds and moaning. when i looked around, regular guy was fondling thinning hair guy. i leaned back and watched them. thinning hair guy suddenly reached for dick and started to fondle me. but i wasnt getting turned on. so stepped out.

then i saw this quite chubby guy, chinese looking, with really rough skin on the face. and even with all these flaws, he was very confident. when i entered the steam room, his right leg was up the seat, exposing his dick. he then began to stroke himself off while looking at me. i stared at him. he then told me to follow him to the shower room,  i declined and went out.

i met another chinese guy, this time tall, thin, and with a smooth face. i settled on him. he reached for my dick and played with it. i reached over for his and he wasnt hard. i was beginning to get hard. he quickly went down and sucked me. he was quite good. i started fucking his mouth and he seemed to enjoy it. there were a lot of times someone would go near and watch and we'd both stop. we didnt want an audience. he was in no mood for a threesome.

whenever someone would linger and we couldnt do it, he would kiss me. kiss my neck, my back, suck my nipples. im just loving the attention. chubby guy would come once in a while to check on me but hey, im not going back to him. sorry, i know u saw me first but youre just not my type. so eventually, someone took the role of our "watcher", warning us if someone is coming. at least he got a free show.

so thin chinese guy sucked me good. and i was about to cum. he told me he wanted me to cum in his mouth. he also didnt want to cum yet, figured he wanted to play after his massage. so i started to fuck his mouth hard while someone watched us. then i started shooting inside his mouth. he took every drop and then spit it out. but he wasnt done, he sucked my dick again, milking it to the very last drop.

and after ive recovered, all he said were "sarap" and "thanks". i thought i should be the one thanking him but hey, guess he wanted me too.

we then showered separately. although he tried to get inside my cubicle but i told him off. and when i was getting dressed to leave, he approached me and said thank you again. man, this guy really wanted me. and a polite one at that. so thanks, liam. haha :)

On the Loop-er

I saw Looper the other week. It was a very nice movie. Normally, I don't watch serious movies for fear of falling asleep but this one's really good.

Anyway, I then asked myself: if I were a looper, and i was given a lot of money and know that id die in 30 years, what would i do?

1. Liposuction and just get fit right away. I thought i wouldnt have time to rely on diet and exercise only.
2. Travel. Around the world. Or wherever. So at most, 5 years?
3. I could invest in a business but then where will I put all the money I have? Some charity I guess?
4. Get married and have a family: hmmm. if things were only different.

So ano pa?? Shit. This has how my life turned out. Given 30 years and money, I wouldnt know what to do with it.

I don't even have to work because I'm rich already. But then again, I love my work. It makes me feel like im useful. So yeah, it might get me busy.

Still, I have to rethink this. time to get a new goal. haha

What Now?

I was chatting with someone the other night and he was sharing all his dreams before he reached 25. and then he asked me, what do I want to achieve?

It got me into thinking. And i answered, "I already have." Then he replied, "Good for you."

It got me further into thinking, is it really good for me?

So, all my life ive been wanting to be an "actor". So I went to "classes", "workshops", I studied, I trained. And when people ask me if I'm happy with what I'm doing, I'm more than proud to say YES. So what happens when suddenly.. Im now in "showbusiness", im an "actor", and a "best actor" at that?

I dreamed and reached for it. Now i have it. So what now?

What's next? I have no idea..

People say, do a "movie", or get another "best actor award", or do some workshops. And in the end, it doesnt compare to the goal i had of being an actor. Doing these additional things just brings flavor to what i have already become. And all of a sudden, Im found without purpose in life.

Get married? Tough. Have a family? Tougher. I just really don't know what to do anymore.

And finding a new hobby won't suffice. Im not looking for something to DO. Im looking for something to BE (aside from being an "actor").

So yeah, I'll be starting a new project soon. And it's bound to keep my busy and not have time to think about this. But when I imagine finishing the project, I'll come face to face again with "what now?"

The New Normal (/Church?)

So i was watching a new episode on The New Normal yesterday. And it kind of hit a nerve because they talked about religion and faith and being gay.

Being gay and being a Catholic is difficult. One becomes a "cafeteria Catholic", only believing those things which one likes, like picking food. And obviously, one doesn't pick the whole Catholic view on being a homosexual.

I dated someone before who, after accepting that he is gay, started to not go to Church. He felt like a hypocrite and he began to detest priests once they started preaching about homosexuality. He still believes in God though and what it means to be good.

So as a Catholic, why do I want to be in something that clearly, doesnt want people like me? And the show answered it like this: the church can change. haha im not so sure if it's right but i kind of gives people like us hope.. to continue believing.. to continue being faithful.

And Andrew Rannells' character said that if Jesus were alive, he wouldve embraced the gays just as he did with other sinners, oppressed, sick, and even prostitutes.

Now I still dont know where i stand about this. And how i can fit being gay with being Catholic. I know I still go to Church. I know i still pray. I know I still and will forever believe in God. and i know im still gay. so bahala na.

or I could just turn it off..



When you start to get confused because of thoughts in your head,
Don't feel those feelings! Hold them in instead

Turn it off, like a light switch
just go click!
It's a cool little Mormon trick!
We do it all the time
When your feeling certain feels that just don't feel right
Treat those pesky feelings like a reading light
and turn em off,



Turn if off, like a light switch,
there its gone! (Good for you!)
My hetero side just won!
I'm all better now,
Boys should be with girls thats heavenly fathers plan
So if you ever feel you rather be with a man,
Turn it off.

ELDER PRICE: 
Well Elder McKinley, I think its ok that your having gay thoughts,
just so long as you never act on them.

ELDER MCKINLEY:
No, because then your just keeping it down,
Like a dimmer switch on low, (On low!)
Thinking nobody needs to know! (Uh oh!)

ELDER PRICE:
But that's not true!

ELDER MCKINLEY: 
Being gay is bad, but lying is worse,
So just realize you have a curable curse,
And turn it off!  (Turn it off, turn it off!)