A part of me wants to write about how happy and exciting my current lovelife is, or whatever there's to speak of. but who am i kidding. i know exactly what is happening. what it means is another story. and besides, i remind myself that i'm writing for me, and not fiction.
so here's where we're at. it has been a little over 12 weeks. and yep, we're still at it. no day has passed without an exchange of some sort. more often, itll be a string of messages late at night. but calls are there, almost an hour each. if it takes him too long to reply, there'd be a 'sorry.. <explanation>'. topics of conversation are usually updates on our daily lives (there's always kwento everyday), and helping me cope while im away. nothing sweet, nothing romantic. and no semblance of making bola anywhere. it's frank, it's honest, it's funny, and it's like you have very close FRIEND.
so i told someone about the current situation, and my frustrations too. (he's also working overseas, but on a more permanent tenure). and he says, 'honestly, im inggit'.. should he be?
so, it's been 12 weeks. i used to dread the day it would stop. when there's still no message or reply from him at night, i sometimes find myself thinking 'maybe this is the day'. ive come to accept it that it will come. perhaps, to avoid getting hurt when it does happen. 'preparing' myself for it. and then suddenly, there goes my phone. with a string of messages from him. and the happiness i feel seeing his name on my phone.
there are times when id think that he's just being a great friend. and that is all there is to it. again, because there's nothing romantic or sweet in our conversations. but a part of me also says that, nope.. someone who's just-a-friend will not bother sending you messages every single day. he would not say sorry when he replies late. and would not call you and talk for that long. and definitely, someone who's dating someone else will not do that. at least, not to you.
i guess, being regularly updated on what happens to him, and him knowing what is happening to me, is sweet. it is romantic. it's frank. it's honest. it's funny. and it's not sugar coating anything.. he knows the people ive met here, knows them by name, and knows my relationships with them. i know the people he works with, updates on his dog, and his family. i know when he's staying late at the office, when he's debating whether to be lazy or go to the gym, his plans for travel, even his expenses. we can be express our thoughts freely, which, if we said out loud to others, would be really bad.
so what i'm saying is.. i like the way things are going. i hope it goes on longer. and i hope it goes on for the next 9 months. and we'll continue when i get home. a lot can happen in 9 months, i know. he could meet someone. have sex with someone and find out he's a great guy too. or suddenly, just stop. but i'm actually not afraid of these things anymore. if they happen, then so be it. im really in no position to demand. but if this continues, then it means something great.
so why dont we just talk about it? and settle what we are to each other? personally, because i know i cannot ask him to do all these things since im far away. im in no position to do so. but if he does it on his own accord, then it really is something great.
i've said the words 'i love you' loosely in the past, and have received it loosely too. it has lost its meaning to me, as ive written before. my dates before would say it one night, then after a fight, it's as if we didnt know each other at all. during the 3 mos we 'dated' back home, and the 3 mos that i've been away, no 'i love you's' have been given. but maybe, this is what ive been asking for all along. peace of mind. regularity. consistency. no drama. no bola. no grand gestures.
and maybe, i'll realize in the coming 40 weeks, that it's frank. it's honest. it's simple. it's funny. it's sweet. and it's romantic.
so here's where we're at. it has been a little over 12 weeks. and yep, we're still at it. no day has passed without an exchange of some sort. more often, itll be a string of messages late at night. but calls are there, almost an hour each. if it takes him too long to reply, there'd be a 'sorry.. <explanation>'. topics of conversation are usually updates on our daily lives (there's always kwento everyday), and helping me cope while im away. nothing sweet, nothing romantic. and no semblance of making bola anywhere. it's frank, it's honest, it's funny, and it's like you have very close FRIEND.
so i told someone about the current situation, and my frustrations too. (he's also working overseas, but on a more permanent tenure). and he says, 'honestly, im inggit'.. should he be?
so, it's been 12 weeks. i used to dread the day it would stop. when there's still no message or reply from him at night, i sometimes find myself thinking 'maybe this is the day'. ive come to accept it that it will come. perhaps, to avoid getting hurt when it does happen. 'preparing' myself for it. and then suddenly, there goes my phone. with a string of messages from him. and the happiness i feel seeing his name on my phone.
there are times when id think that he's just being a great friend. and that is all there is to it. again, because there's nothing romantic or sweet in our conversations. but a part of me also says that, nope.. someone who's just-a-friend will not bother sending you messages every single day. he would not say sorry when he replies late. and would not call you and talk for that long. and definitely, someone who's dating someone else will not do that. at least, not to you.
i guess, being regularly updated on what happens to him, and him knowing what is happening to me, is sweet. it is romantic. it's frank. it's honest. it's funny. and it's not sugar coating anything.. he knows the people ive met here, knows them by name, and knows my relationships with them. i know the people he works with, updates on his dog, and his family. i know when he's staying late at the office, when he's debating whether to be lazy or go to the gym, his plans for travel, even his expenses. we can be express our thoughts freely, which, if we said out loud to others, would be really bad.
so what i'm saying is.. i like the way things are going. i hope it goes on longer. and i hope it goes on for the next 9 months. and we'll continue when i get home. a lot can happen in 9 months, i know. he could meet someone. have sex with someone and find out he's a great guy too. or suddenly, just stop. but i'm actually not afraid of these things anymore. if they happen, then so be it. im really in no position to demand. but if this continues, then it means something great.
so why dont we just talk about it? and settle what we are to each other? personally, because i know i cannot ask him to do all these things since im far away. im in no position to do so. but if he does it on his own accord, then it really is something great.
i've said the words 'i love you' loosely in the past, and have received it loosely too. it has lost its meaning to me, as ive written before. my dates before would say it one night, then after a fight, it's as if we didnt know each other at all. during the 3 mos we 'dated' back home, and the 3 mos that i've been away, no 'i love you's' have been given. but maybe, this is what ive been asking for all along. peace of mind. regularity. consistency. no drama. no bola. no grand gestures.
and maybe, i'll realize in the coming 40 weeks, that it's frank. it's honest. it's simple. it's funny. it's sweet. and it's romantic.
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